england..

i may be going to england very soon for a year. ;)

internship overseas!

oh yes.

ha ha

ministry work.

it sounds amazing.

i'll know within the next few weeks.

woohhooo!!

life..

i just realized everything in the last three months of my life has been drastically changed...
no wonder i'm feeling a bit abnormal these days.

1. i moved
2. i got a new job
3. i lost the only person i've ever truly loved
4. i got a new vehicle
5. i haven't been to my second home for two months
6. i haven't traveled anywhere...

just a few things.
it hit me while driving the other day...
this is why things feel so weird.
and i can't seem to bounce back.
the only constant in my life is God.
but at times i feel he pulls away from me too.
i don't feel worthy of His love.
or any for that matter.

i am stuck.
lost....
for sure stuck in a huge hole... and i can't get out.
life is different and doesn't feel right.
i want my life back...
and i can't have it back.
it's killing me..
slowly.
but quick enough.

it's been a long time.

posted some thoughts from a couple nights ago.

i'll try to remember to update this more. ;)

imposter

there can only be two basic loves.. the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self, or the love of self unto the forgetfulness and denial of God.

wow..

perfectly said.

this poor soul.

sitting amongst other poor souls...

over taken by the impostor.

weak and alone.

trapped and hidden in darkness.

how does the impostor get such a foot hold?

because we lose our LOVE of God.

the way you are with others every day,

regardless of their status, is the true test of faith.

when the impostor is taken out and

replaced with the true Self.. one becomes free.

freedom..

love...

peace...

father i'm here.

i want more of you and less of me.

i am nothing on my own.

i am nothing at all.

i am only a vessel through which YOU live.

my life is ALL yours.

use me for your benefit.

i'm ready.

take everything from me.

i have nothing left...

you are IT!

make it your will...

every day.

i accept your love

i accept your joy.

abba, i belong to you!

i am yours!

you delight in me.

you love ME!

just as i am!

take over please!

don't let me be in charge!!!